Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I was just asked if I wanted to take part in an exit poll.

I said "I already have mate. I voted UKIP"

[vetran]

I'm not saying my MF is fat.

It's just that planes shouldn't do wheelies.

[vetran]

So I've decided to give up on online dating

My wife's idea

[vetran]

They say you cant buy happiness, but thanks to prostitutes you can rent it.

[vetran]

Bloody exit Poles....taking all our surveys!

[TheFaQQer]

There are more pandas in Scotland than Labour MPs.

And more polar bears than Labour, Lib Dem and Tory MPs combined.

[vetran]

DAVE: endless repeats of the same old crap you've sat through for the last five years.

Coincidence?

[vetran]

The VE day commemorations are a bit like the next Lib Dem conference.

People getting together to remember a party that they once had.

[vetran]

For MS

Well another five years of misery and suffering for us to come.

Then it will be our tenth wedding anniversary.

[vetran]

My wife said to me, "Since I've put a bit of weight on you've turned into a right pessimist."

I said, "That's because the fridge is always half empty you fat cow."