Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

A choirboy returned to the church and raped the priest who had abused him years earlier. When arrested, the police took his mitigating circumstances into consideration and only charged him with a breach of the priest.

[vetran]

"Dad, do you remember telling me you would buy me a car if I could prove I wasn't gay,"

"Yes, of course I do, the offer still stands."

"Well get your money out, this is my friend Alan, and he will swear I am the most miserable bastard he has ever f***ed."

[vetran]

My wife just said she wants to renew our marriage vows.

She got quite upset when I told her not to bother and let them expire.

[vetran]

My wife says I'm insensitive to the needs of those who are mentally challenged.

So just to prove her wrong, I've set up a 5k charity run called 'Race for Retards'

[vetran]

I've just seen the doctor. He says I need to get out more.

To be specific I need to get out of his wife, his bed and his house

[vetran]

A phoned 999 and asked what number to ring if it wasn't an emergency.

"101!" Replied the operator.

Then I phoned 101 and left a message informing them that my wife was being murdered.

[vetran]

For Scooter2

I was reading an article in the Daily Mail about how charities in Scotland receive 3 times as much Lottery funding as those in England.

Hardly sounds fair, until you consider that playing the Lottery is the main industry in Scotland nowadays.

[vetran]

Pinocchio's wife was really upset when he became a real boy.

She missed his wood.

[vetran]

I've got an Adele satnav in my car.

I'm sick of the sight of McDonald's.

[vetran]

I would make a really good procrastinator...if I ever got around to it.