Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Not offended. Just sad.

There's a number of ways that joke could have been written without making light of suicide, that's all.

Sorry - move along, more jokes please!

As I say to NLyUK - Your wish is my command oh mistress.

[vetran]

Dear Capt. Tom,


Our records indicate you have earned £37 million in the last tax year.


Please pay your tax bill of £18.5 million plus £100 charge for failing to complete your tax return by the 31st January deadline.


Kind Regards,
HMRC

[vetran]

We've just found out our daughter's on the Spectrum.


She'll need luck with that.


It hasn't worked properly since 1983.

[vetran]

"Push! Push!" I screamed at my pregnant wife today.


But her efforts still couldn't get my car to start, the lazy cow.

[vetran]

I'm busy following a recipe and it says "chill in the fridge for an hour."


I've got a book, some snacks and a pint but it's very cramped in here.

[vetran]

The Mrs has just left me, saying she can no longer put up with my gullibility and financial irresponsibility...


Well screw Her! Wait until she learns that I’ve just won the Nigerian Lottery!

[vetran]

My bathroom light just went out.


I wonder where it's going.

[vetran]

I never asked to be born.


Then again I did beat all the other sperm to the egg.

[vetran]

I told my wife I was obsessed with Britney Spears. She got so angry and she hit me.


I never flinched and told her to do it again.

[vetran]

My bathroom light just went out.


I wonder where it's going.