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Please put more jokes here

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    Originally posted by ladymuck View Post
    Not offended. Just sad.

    There's a number of ways that joke could have been written without making light of suicide, that's all.

    Sorry - move along, more jokes please!
    As I say to NLyUK - Your wish is my command oh mistress.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Dear Capt. Tom,


      Our records indicate you have earned £37 million in the last tax year.


      Please pay your tax bill of £18.5 million plus £100 charge for failing to complete your tax return by the 31st January deadline.


      Kind Regards,
      HMRC
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        We've just found out our daughter's on the Spectrum.


        She'll need luck with that.


        It hasn't worked properly since 1983.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          "Push! Push!" I screamed at my pregnant wife today.


          But her efforts still couldn't get my car to start, the lazy cow.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I'm busy following a recipe and it says "chill in the fridge for an hour."


            I've got a book, some snacks and a pint but it's very cramped in here.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              The Mrs has just left me, saying she can no longer put up with my gullibility and financial irresponsibility...


              Well screw Her! Wait until she learns that I’ve just won the Nigerian Lottery!
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                My bathroom light just went out.


                I wonder where it's going.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I never asked to be born.


                  Then again I did beat all the other sperm to the egg.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I told my wife I was obsessed with Britney Spears. She got so angry and she hit me.


                    I never flinched and told her to do it again.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      My bathroom light just went out.


                      I wonder where it's going.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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