+ Reply to Thread
Page 530 of 571 FirstFirst ... 30 430 480 520 528 529 530 531 532 540 ... LastLast
Posts 5,291 to 5,300 of 5708
  1. #5291

    I live on CUK

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    26,122
    Thanks (Given)
    710
    Thanks (Received)
    2469
    Likes (Given)
    6159
    Likes (Received)
    5153

    Default

    The judge : " A woman shot her husband beacuse he stepped on her freshly mopped floor ..."
    Police guy : " That is correct ! "
    "And it took you 20 minutes to aresst her ? why ? "

    " The floor was stiil wet " replied the police guy
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  2. #5292

    I live on CUK

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    26,122
    Thanks (Given)
    710
    Thanks (Received)
    2469
    Likes (Given)
    6159
    Likes (Received)
    5153

    Default

    What does a bloke with a 12" c0ck have for breakfast

    This morning I had eggs and bacon yesterday I had cornflakes
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  3. #5293

    I live on CUK

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    26,122
    Thanks (Given)
    710
    Thanks (Received)
    2469
    Likes (Given)
    6159
    Likes (Received)
    5153

    Default

    Jeff Wayne couldn't believe it when he came home one evening to find his wife bringing herself to orgasm with a chocolate bar.
    "The chances of anyone coming from Mars, are a million to one!" he said.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  4. #5294

    I live on CUK

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    26,122
    Thanks (Given)
    710
    Thanks (Received)
    2469
    Likes (Given)
    6159
    Likes (Received)
    5153

    Default

    After so many years of marriage, it is amazing the fantastic shape my wife is still in.

    A perfect circle.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  5. #5295

    I live on CUK

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    26,122
    Thanks (Given)
    710
    Thanks (Received)
    2469
    Likes (Given)
    6159
    Likes (Received)
    5153

    Default

    Teacher: "Can you use the word 'suppositories' in a sentence?"

    Little Johnny: "Yes, Miss. Suppositories win the election again, that's us all fscked."
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  6. #5296

    I live on CUK

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    26,122
    Thanks (Given)
    710
    Thanks (Received)
    2469
    Likes (Given)
    6159
    Likes (Received)
    5153

    Default

    Before booking my first flight from America to the UK, I always wondered how obvious it would be to the locals that I was not from there.

    After five minutes in Bradford, I found that being white and speaking English are dead giveaways.
    Last edited by vetran; 25th April 2017 at 12:31.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  7. #5297

    I live on CUK

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    26,122
    Thanks (Given)
    710
    Thanks (Received)
    2469
    Likes (Given)
    6159
    Likes (Received)
    5153

    Default

    I think my wife's golf driving lessons are starting to pay off.

    She managed to pull the car on the driveway 2 over par earlier.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  8. #5298

    I live on CUK

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    26,122
    Thanks (Given)
    710
    Thanks (Received)
    2469
    Likes (Given)
    6159
    Likes (Received)
    5153

    Default One for PC's shoulder

    I was halfway through a superb wank earlier and thought "I shouldn't be doing this".
    The woman on checkout 4 agreed.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  9. #5299

    I live on CUK

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    26,122
    Thanks (Given)
    710
    Thanks (Received)
    2469
    Likes (Given)
    6159
    Likes (Received)
    5153

    Default PC is busy today

    Having a wank is the equivalent of walking 200 steps

    If you don't believe me check my Fitbit
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  10. #5300

    I live on CUK

    vetran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Come Friendly Bombs
    Posts
    26,122
    Thanks (Given)
    710
    Thanks (Received)
    2469
    Likes (Given)
    6159
    Likes (Received)
    5153

    Default

    Mohammed never actually specified that the 72 virgins would be women.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

+ Reply to Thread
Page 530 of 571 FirstFirst ... 30 430 480 520 528 529 530 531 532 540 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.