Please put more jokes here

[shaunbhoy]

A man was savagely attacked at The Teddy Bear's Picnic. His condition is said to be improving but he's not out of the woods yet.

[shaunbhoy]

Great day out in London but Network Rail are full of tulip.
A sign said if you stand too close to the edge of the platform you’d get sucked off.
Five ******** hours I was stood there.

[WTFH]

At the vet with the cat...

Cat: Meow

Me: I know, that’s why I brought you here.

[WTFH]

Roman 1: You won’t believe how many women I have slept with

Roman 2: mmm...

Roman 1: Don’t be ridiculous, not that many.

[WTFH]

Can anyone remember the name of that big bird on Sesame Street?

[WTFH]

BP went for an interview for an office job today

The interviewer told him he'd start on £2k a month and then after 6 months he'd be on £3k a month.

BP told them he'd start in 6 months.

[WTFH]

BP and the current incumbent went to a therapist due to problems in the bedroom.

"Explain with a film title what you think the problems are" the therapist said.

Mrs BP said "Gone in 60 seconds"

BP replied "Enter the dragon"

Her lawyers were seen at HR Owen ordering a new Phantom Drophead and have already secured the registration BP 0 4 MRS

[WTFH]

Did you know that "emas eht yltcaxe" is exactly the same backwards?

[WTFH]

I'm having a charity event for people that struggle to orgasm.

Let me know if you can't come.

[shaunbhoy]

My ambition as a child was to be a Blackjack dealer. Although I would sell Fruit Salads & Mojos as well.