Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

For Mrs BP

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

[vetran]

For SAS

I just walked by an old man who kept saying, One, three, five, seven, nine... one, three, five, seven, nine...

I thought, How odd.

[vetran]

"What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"


"You can't tuna fish."

[vetran]

"DO NOT DIE A VIRGIN "
Seriously, there are terrorists waiting for you up there.

[vetran]

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, leaned over towards her and whispered -
'Is that one word or two?'

[vetran]

What's a feminists favorite music festival?

Burning Man.

[vetran]

Why can't Athiests solve exponential problems?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

[WTFH]

I'm really sick of my friends who can't handle their alcohol.


The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.

[WTFH]

If you like having sex while listening to music, always choose a live album. That way you'll get a round of applause every 3 to 4 minutes.

[WTFH]

My friend thought he was smart - he said onions are the only food that make you cry.


So I threw a coconut at his face.