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    Dr Seuss once said "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".

    I take it there was never a Mrs Seuss.
    Last edited by vetran; 23 June 2015, 11:23.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      I'm not saying no one likes me or anything,

      but even the Jehovah's Witnesses pass by my house without knocking.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        My ex got me arrested cause I used to sit outside her house all day.

        She thought I was stalking her but I wasn't, I just had her WiFi code.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          My new housemate is French. Last night when he got home I said, "Nice to know you're from France.. My favourite place is North of France, actually.."

          "Let me guess," he said, "Lille.. Arras.. or maybe Côte d'Opale?.."

          "No, England." I replied.
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            Originally posted by vetran View Post
            My mate Paddy called me today and asked, "What's the 2nd largest state in America?"

            "Texas." I replied.

            30 seconds later I got a message saying, 'What's the 2nd largest state in America?'
            Doh. Took me a moment...

            Comment


              Originally posted by mudskipper View Post
              Doh. Took me a moment...
              Faster than me then! About 10 seconds here.....

              Comment


                After being away for a week's holiday with the girls, my wife came back and found me in bed with my best mate, Steve.

                "It's not what it looks like" I shouted "He's fat, smells, snores, I don't fancy him in the slightest and we never have sex"

                "So what we're you doing in bed with him" she cried.

                "Well I was missing you" I explained.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  A girl walked up to me in a bar and said, "I haven't had sex in months. I'll be in the third girl's toilet cubicle along in five minutes".

                  It's not surprising it's been that long, I thought. Why would I want to know that she's off for a tulip?!
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    We've just had a new wooden floor fitted, so I asked my wife to varnish it while I was at work.

                    Stupid cow only did the nails, and in bright pink.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      Whenever I come home from the pub, my wife reminds me of Celine Dion's heart.

                      She goes on and on.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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