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Please put more jokes here

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    Economist - an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday will not come true today.

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      William Shakespeare walks into a pub. barman says "You're Bard !"
      When freedom comes along, don't PISH in the water supply.....

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        There is a Albanian tradition that if a husband is about to die and asks his wife a question he must answer truthfully.

        An Albanian husband is dieing and his wife is there along with his 4 sons - 3 big strapping lads and 1 wimp. He asks is wife - "the wimp. Is he really my son?". "Yes" she replies.

        He dies. His wife says "Thank God he did not ask about the other 3."

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          A married couple go to the doctor saying their relationship is unsatisfactory. The doctor enquires about their sex life. They both say they have no idea what he is talking about. The doctor says he willshow them , put the wife on the couch and has sex with her. He then tells the husband she needs that 3 times a week. The husband says "fine. I will bring her round Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday".

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            3 unmarried couples join a church - young, middleaged and old. They are told they must stop having sex and to return next week to see how they get on. A week later the pastor asks them how they did. The aghed couple said fine no problem. The middleaged couple said iot was a struggle but they managed it. The young couple said they only lasted 2 days before the woman dropped a tim of sweetcorn on the floor while wearing a skirt and when she bent over to pick it up the man could not resist. The pastor said "You are no longer welcome in church." The man said "Well we are no longer welcome in Sainsburys either."

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              Grandmother asks her 8 year old grandaughter what she would like for Christmas from santa this year.

              Little girl replies that she doesn't want anything for herself.

              Grandma is surprised and asks the little girl why not.

              Little girl replies, "I just want Santa to bring some clothes for these poor little naked children I found on Grandad's computer."

              When freedom comes along, don't PISH in the water supply.....

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                Why was Isaac 12 years old when God called Abraham to sacrifice his son?

                Because if he had been a teenager, it wouldn't have been a sacrifice.

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                  A man is on holiday in Jamica. He is at the hotel urinal when a local stands next to him. He sees that the local has "Wy" tattoed on his willy. He says "I see you had the same tattoo done as me - Wendy is my wife's name and I had it tattoed on my willy when it was hard". The local says - my tattoo says "Welcome to Jamaica - have a nice day"

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                    A woman wants 1 man to satisfy her every need.
                    A man wants every woman to satisfy his 1 need.

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                      If it had been 3 wise women who went to Bethlehem, they would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a meal, and bought some practical gifts.

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