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Please put more jokes here

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    So I bought a new phone from Malaysia.
    It was good until I activated flight mode.
    Now I can't find it.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      for those with an Aygo or GT86

      I wonder why it is that blokes who own a convertible seem to have a hair style to match.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        for NLDYUK

        I was once offered a hundred pounds to have gay sex.

        I took it, in the end.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          For Doodab

          I've just had my first poo of the month.

          April stool.
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            For Fullyautomatix

            My sex life is costing me a fortune.

            I never sleep with the same sock twice.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              The clocks going forward at the weekend really ****ed with my OCD.

              I've had to leave my telly on Channel 4 + 1 since.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                As I emptied the house of all my stuff my wife said:

                "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! that's MY bed-side table and you KNOW IT! - First you cheat on me with that WHORE and now you're stealing my furniture!?"

                I calmly said: "I'm sorry baby, it was just the one night stand."
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  Just woke up from a nightmare - I was in an alien laboratory in a large glass dish, which was suspended over flames.

                  I was petri fried.
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    I'm really looking forward to the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow.

                    I've never seen a deep fried Marathon before.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      There's a fine line between civility and barbarity.

                      We call it the Scottish border.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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