• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Sick sorry!

    They found a black box!


    Sadly it was during Peaches autopsy.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I'm thinking about giving talks to people to persuade them to dig their garden. I could be a rotavational speaker
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        What do you call a fat psychic?

        A four-chin teller.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Can't wait to use this!

          My wife told me women were better at multi tasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up.

          Guess what, she couldn't do either.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I saw the weather girl Sian Lloyd shopping in Boots today, she was buying Ambre Solaire and a pack of Tampax.

            Apparently she's expecting sunny periods......
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              7.6

              No wonder missing a date is known as "being stood up" - it's the opposite of getting laid.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Overheard in client co office.

                "We are a professional Civil Service!"
                "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

                Comment


                  For NLYUK

                  A woman said to her son "if a bad man offers you sweets, don't accept them".
                  So the boy replied "oh but it's okay for you to accept pieces of paper off them while leaving me in the middle of the street for 10 minutes?".
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

                    Comment


                      Just saw a boat at the marina with a sign that said "For Sale" so I added an "ing" to the end. Those idiots are lucky I came along.
                      Join IPSE

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X