• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    So I bought a new phone from Malaysia.
    It was good until I activated flight mode.
    Now I can't find it.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      for those with an Aygo or GT86

      I wonder why it is that blokes who own a convertible seem to have a hair style to match.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        for NLDYUK

        I was once offered a hundred pounds to have gay sex.

        I took it, in the end.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          For Doodab

          I've just had my first poo of the month.

          April stool.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            For Fullyautomatix

            My sex life is costing me a fortune.

            I never sleep with the same sock twice.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              The clocks going forward at the weekend really ****ed with my OCD.

              I've had to leave my telly on Channel 4 + 1 since.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                As I emptied the house of all my stuff my wife said:

                "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! that's MY bed-side table and you KNOW IT! - First you cheat on me with that WHORE and now you're stealing my furniture!?"

                I calmly said: "I'm sorry baby, it was just the one night stand."
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Just woke up from a nightmare - I was in an alien laboratory in a large glass dish, which was suspended over flames.

                  I was petri fried.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I'm really looking forward to the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow.

                    I've never seen a deep fried Marathon before.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      There's a fine line between civility and barbarity.

                      We call it the Scottish border.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X