Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

My mate called in sick to work today.

His boss asked “How sick are you?”

My mate replied “I’m in bed with my nan.”

[vetran]

My wife asked me to help load the washing machine.


There was too much so I just threw in the towel.

[NotAllThere]

I was going to see my GP to get my veruccas treated with liquid nitrogen. But I got cold feet.

[vetran]

You know you have drunk too much
When out of a blurred haze, appear the words

Armitige Shanks

[vetran]

I was so excited when I learned I was the sole heir to my late Aunt's estate!
Until I realised it was a Lada.

[vetran]

Attention, health warning!

Talked to this teenage single mum the other day. Said she "fell pregnant" again

Sounds like it could happen to anyone... walking down the street, trip over a kerb, land on an erect penis

So be careful out there

[vetran]

Diane Abbot was seen with a big banner at the rally today with a picture of Morph on it, as she demonstrated against the Israeli attack on the Plasticine People

[vetran]

About right :

We drew a bunch of funny lines 100 years ago and now we get to watch them become a war zone all over again.

[vetran]

I identify as non-binary; my pronouns are off / on.

[vetran]

Sunak appoints Cameron as Foreign Secretary


Pig fecking mistake