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Please put more jokes here

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  • vetran
    replied
    As the weather is so hot I asked the Hermes delivery driver if he'd like a bottle of cold water. When he said yes I dropkicked it over a fence into my neighbour's rose bush and told him I'd left it in a designated safe space.

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  • vetran
    replied
    I'm not saying it's hot. But, I've just squirted the contents of a, McDonald's apple pie over my head to cool down...

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  • vetran
    replied
    I'm not saying it's hot but I just saw Prince Andrew buy an antiperspirant.

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  • vetran
    replied
    hmm

    You know you're in a tulip hotel when you phone the front desk and say, "I've got a leak in my sink." and they reply, "Go ahead."

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  • NotAllThere
    replied
    Just be glad this heat wave's not happening in winter. Can you imagine shovelling snow in this heat?

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    My son asked, "What is paranoid?"

    "It's two noids," I replied.

    "What's a noid?," he said.

    "What I get when you ask too many ******* questions."

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    In the race for PM, Penny Mordaunt seems to have plenty of people on her side.

    At the same time, you can't ignore her knockers.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied

    '...Since moving to Thailand I've become a Buddhist and now believe in reincarnation.

    So when I die, I've left all my money to ME!'

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  • vetran
    replied
    WTFH: "When I die, I want to die having sex."

    Wife: "At least it will be quick."

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Wharty goes in front of a judge for shoplifting. He's chewing gum noisily.
    Judge says "this is a courtroom. Stop masticating!"
    Wharty says "sorry", and takes his hands out of his pockets.

    Leave a comment:

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