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Please put more jokes here

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    Son : "Dad, I've got a part in the School Play. I play a man that has been married 25 years"

    Dad : "Never mind Son, maybe next time you'll get a speaking part!"
    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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      Worried about the beeb losing GBBO?
      It's fine. Nothing will actually happen until Mary Berry triggers Arctic Roll 50.
      {emotionless greeting}

      Three Word Slogan

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        My wife and I have different ways to deal with a wasp in the house.




        I gently waft it out an open window.


        She leaves me and moves in with a new man.
        {emotionless greeting}

        Three Word Slogan

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          Two kids are in a hospital ward, waiting for operations.
          The first kid asks, "What are you in here for?" Second kid says, "getting my tonsils out. I'm a little nervous." 1st kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was 4. They put you to sleep, when you wake up they give you jelly & ice cream. It's a breeze."
          2nd kid asks, "What are you here for?" 1st kid says, "circumcision."
          "Whoa!", the 2nd kid replies. "Good luck with that. I had that done when I was born, couldn't walk for a year!!!"
          The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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            Benched contractors, give your alcoholism a sophisticated Belgian feel by drinking Special Brew from a wine glass.
            {emotionless greeting}

            Three Word Slogan

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              Originally posted by WTFH View Post
              Worried about the beeb losing GBBO?
              It's fine. Nothing will actually happen until Mary Berry triggers Arctic Roll 50.
              And all C4 will end up with is a tent and some flour.
              "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

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                Today's acronym is DNA. It stands for National Dyslexic Association.
                The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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                  Originally posted by LondonManc View Post
                  Today's acronym is DNA. It stands for National Dyslexic Association.
                  Is that really the best you can do?? :
                  'CUK forum personality of 2011 - Winner - Yes really!!!!

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                    Bob and his dyslexic friend John are on a skiing holiday and are sitting in a restaurant watching the people skiing.

                    Bob turns to John and says 'Look at all the people zig zagging down the hill'
                    John says 'They aren't zig zagging, they are zag zigging,
                    Bob says 'No it's not. They are zig zagging'

                    This argument goes on for sometime and in frustration Bob turns to a guy behind him and says,
                    'Excuse me, could you help resolve an argument for us. Are they zig zagging or zag zigging'
                    The bloke looks a bit bewildered and says 'I don't know, I'm a tobogganist.
                    Johns eyes light up and says 'Ohhh great, could I have 20 Malboro lights please'.


                    Boooooom. Smashed it. THAT's how you do it. Thank you.
                    'CUK forum personality of 2011 - Winner - Yes really!!!!

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                      Originally posted by northernladuk View Post
                      Is that really the best you can do?? :
                      Absolutely not. It's the most you deserve though.
                      The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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