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Please put more jokes here

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    Ever since Charles has been king the country has been in a total mess.
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      - Hi, do you have any books about turtles?

      - Hardback?

      - Yeah and little heads
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        Can you explain this 6 week gap in your CV?

        I'd rather not, it's embarrassing

        Sorry, we can't offer you the role if you don't explain the gap.

        OK, I was Prime Minister. Are you happy now?
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          OK, so now time the Conservatives want to have a second vote about something that was clearly a stupid idea the first time round.
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            I missed my workout session at the gym yesterday, which makes it 4 years in a row.
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              For Pondy

              I took the miniature Dairy Milk, Caramel, Twirl, Wispa, Eclair, Double Decker, Fudge, Crunchie and Creme Egg, and wrapped each of them in bacon.

              They all tasted absolutely disgusting.

              It's true what they say.

              You should never meat your Heroes, you'll only end up disappointed.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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                one for pc

                I was chatting to ddraiggoch on here earlier, l asked him if he's ever made a U turn "No Boyo" he said "but I've made her eyes water,look you"
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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                  Boss: "You've been late for work three times this week. Do you know what that means?"


                  Me: "It's Wednesday?"
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                    The WifeTM asked me if I'd seen The DogTW bowl.


                    I said I didn't even know she could play cricket.
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                      Elton John turns to Rod Stewart and says "I've just bought a vintage Rolls Royce for my collection!"

                      Rod: What Reg?

                      Elton: I said, I'VE JUST GOT A VINTAGE ROLLS ROYCE.
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