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Please put more jokes here

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    Wifey: Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?

    Me: No

    Wifey: How about now?
    Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

    Comment


      For the good Doctor Strangelove

      '...People say I'm a hoarder.

      Not true, because you never know when someone will call round with a Nokia 2160 and needs to connect to a fax machine.'
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        For her birthday my wife wanted a framed photograph of our dog in the river.

        I think it would make more sense on a wall, personally.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I'm going to have to quit smoking, it just cost me £30 to fill up my zippo lighter !
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Do rednecks only subscribe to OnlyFams?
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I'm the best Elvis impersonator in town.

              I can't sing a note, but I had sixteen cheeseburgers for breakfast.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Prince William spotted selling Big Issue in London.

                Pretty harsh that he's doing his uncle's community service for him.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  '...Prince William spotted selling Big Issue in central London.

                  He's just saving the spot for his younger brother Harry, for when Netflix bin him and he's got no income.'
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    '....DEEP THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

                    When you clean out a vacuum cleaner...

                    YOU become a vacuum cleaner.'
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      A Hollywood star asked if he could buy me a drink with some of the profits from one of his films.

                      Tom Cruise offered me a Reacher round.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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