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    Christ, it's hot.



    I'm sweating like the crew on an Alec Baldwin film set.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      for warty

      My premature ejaculation is getting that bad, the girlfriend has to take the Morning After pill the night before
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        Just written a compilation album of cat vomit noises.



        I'm calling it Now That's What I Call Mewsick.
        …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

        Comment


          I call my wife 'her indoors' because she looks like Jim Morrison.
          …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

          Comment


            Where do gardeners go to retire?


            Barrow-in-Furness.
            Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

            Comment


              I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my wife walking down the aisle towards me.

              My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.

              It seemed to take an age, but eventually there she was, stood beside me.

              I gave her a cheeky wink and said,

              "Get that trolley over here love; they're doing three cases of Stella for the price of two!"
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment



                I tried donating blood today .

                Never Again!

                Too many stupid questions.

                "Who's blood is it?"

                "Where did you get it from?"


                "Why is it in a bucket?"
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  Originally posted by vetran View Post
                  I tried donating blood today .

                  Never Again!

                  Too many stupid questions.

                  "Who's blood is it?"

                  "Where did you get it from?"


                  "Why is it in a bucket?"
                  KUATB

                  no, really,

                  KUATB
                  …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

                  Comment


                    i never realised how perverted some estate agents are, only the other day whilst browsing through some photo's of houses the male assistant offered to show me his semi, i tell you, i was out of there before you could say " has it had a dampcourse"...
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      I once bought a pair of work boots from my Uncle Mick.

                      He was a superstitious sort, said they were haunted. Bargain.

                      Soon after I bought them, weird things started happening.

                      I would find muddy footprints in the house, as if they had been walking.

                      I would find scuffmarks on the floor as if they had been dancing.

                      But what made me mental was when it spoke to me about wanting to see Paris.

                      I rang my Uncle Mick to finally tell him what I'd witnessed.

                      "Yeah mate" he said. "They have soles".
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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