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Please put more jokes here

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    One for SKB (Which I just realised is the abbreviation for a former division of Glaxo) …

    Anyway, did you hear about the polygamist Hungarian sound engineer?
    He had a Romanian wife and…
    A Czech one too.
    …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

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      Particle physics gives me a hadron.

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        I feel today may be appropriate for sharing this Marc Jennings joke:


        I was talking to this guy in Belfast and he happened to be a big sorta DUP-voting loyalist/Unionist guy in Northern Ireland. Then he starts telling me his opinions about the trans community. And I’m all like, ‘oh here we f**king go’.

        ‘This is what he said: ‘If you’re physically a man, how can you identify as a woman?’

        ‘And I was like: ‘Well, to be fair mate, I mean, Northern Ireland is physically part of Ireland. You don’t seem to have a problem identifying as British’.

        ‘I mean, what is Northern Ireland if not a trans country, let’s be honest. And if there should be no-one who’s more pro-trans than a Northern Irish Unionist. Like this guy said to me: ‘These trans people, they’re called one name, and expect you to call them another?’

        ‘I said: ‘What? Like do you mean like Derry and Londonderry, for example, is that what you’re kinda talking about?’
        …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

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          1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
          2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
          3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
          4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
          5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
          6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
          7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
          8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
          9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
          10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
          11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
          12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
          13. I run like the winded.
          14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
          15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
          16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
          17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
          18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
          19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
          20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
          21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb."

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