Please put more jokes here

[TheFaQQer]

What's a bear's favourite pasta?

Taggliateddy

[FiveTimes]

What do you call a teddy in the rain?

A drizzly bear.

What's a bear's favourite pasta?

Taggliateddy

I'd stop reading the back of wildlife tube yoghurt's if I were you

[TheFaQQer]

I'd stop reading the back of wildlife tube yoghurt's if I were you

Asda Choco Snaps, I'll have you know!

[Spacecadet]

Why do they advertise online poker on TV at 2am?

I'm sitting in my underwear, watching Dave while eating a pot noodle as it drips down my vest. I'm not exactly the luckiest person in the world.

1. I hope it's your pot noodle
2. You're still ******* sick

[Swiss Tony]

1. I hope it's your pot noodle
2. You're still ******* sick

Mate of mine emailed it to me today, thought it would go down well on here!

[kaiser78]

What's a bear's favourite pasta?

Taggliateddy

simple things and all that...

[singhr]

two teddy bears in the airing cupboard, which one is in the army?

the one on the tank!

[KentPhilip]

I accidentally sent a picture of my naked body to everyone in my address book today. Not only was it really embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps.

[EternalOptimist]

On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings
into boxes, crates and suitcases.



On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.



On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar,and a bottle of spring-water.




When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the curtain rods.



She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.


On the fourth day, the husband came back with
his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss.
Then, slowly, the house began to smell.


They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.



Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.



Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!



People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.



Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.



Word got out, and eventually even the local estate agents refused to return their calls.




Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.




Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.




Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth ... but only if she would sign the papers that very day.



She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.



A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ....





.. and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!

[DaveB]

Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!