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Please put more jokes here

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    Note to self, when hiring a prostitute whilst on holiday in Amsterdam, never again ask her to "sit on my face" in a 'shilly dutch akshent'
    "Wait, I still function!"

    Comment


      I'm not really concerned about swine flu.. Here's my concern.
      3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow .....Mad Cow disease.
      2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird .....Avian flu.
      This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig .... swine flu.
      Next year is the year of the cock

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        A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

        The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

        The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.

        She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

        The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.

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          A young man called directory assistance.

          "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona."

          "There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"

          The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man."

          Comment


            Originally posted by realityhack View Post
            A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

            The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

            The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.

            She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

            The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.
            That always makes me laugh no matter how many times I've heard it!
            "I can put any old tat in my sig, put quotes around it and attribute to someone of whom I've heard, to make it sound true."
            - Voltaire/Benjamin Franklin/Anne Frank...

            Comment


              My wife was in labor with our first child.

              Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"

              "Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?"
              "Nothing. She's just having contractions."

              Comment


                A poodle and a collie were walking down the street.

                The poodle turned to the collie and complained, "My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair with a German shepherd, and I'm nervous as a cat."

                "Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?" asked the collie.

                "I can't," replied the poodle. "I'm not allowed on the couch."

                Comment


                  Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

                  Comment


                    An English cat called One Two Three...

                    ...met a French cat call Un Deux Trois and challenged him in a swimming race across the Channel? At the other side only One Two Three swam ashore. Why?





                    Wait for it.....









                    Because Un Deux Trois cat sank.
                    "I can put any old tat in my sig, put quotes around it and attribute to someone of whom I've heard, to make it sound true."
                    - Voltaire/Benjamin Franklin/Anne Frank...

                    Comment


                      Originally posted by cojak View Post
                      ...met a French cat call Un Deux Trois and challenged him in a swimming race across the Channel? At the other side only One Two Three swam ashore. Why?





                      Wait for it.....









                      Because Un Deux Trois cat sank.
                      Ah, the oldies are the best.

                      Comment

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