Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

[BrilloPad]

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his arse.

[realityhack]

How about some gratitude for my hard work and kindness in sharing my precious joke files?

I have to say - much appreciated BP - I'm a regular reader and wonder where you get all these from!

[Denny]

My only short term memory is about stuff for my kids.

I have posted nearly 600 jokes!

YOU post them and YOU keep a log.

How about some gratitude for my hard work and kindness in sharing my precious joke files?

I presume this is the beginning of sort sort of troll?

I appreciate them. I trawl through your daily offerings regularly and e-mail my favs off to my friends.

[Denny]

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his arse.

I think you mean just before menstruating, don't you?

[Denny]

What a woman says:

This place is a mess! C'mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying
on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right
now!

What a man hears:

blah,blah,blah,blah, C'MON
blah,blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah,blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES
blah,blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW

I like this one.

[BrilloPad]

I think you mean just before menstruating, don't you?

I think it depends on the girl? My gf gets incredibly horny just before - well she used to before she got pregnant!

[BrilloPad]

I have to say - much appreciated BP - I'm a regular reader and wonder where you get all these from!

thank you kind Sir.

I kept all the jokes emailed from me from about 1996 - I am about half way through now!

I do try to weed out rubbish ones/duplicates - but it is so hard to know what people like. You remember the one about George W Bush election in 2000 where Florida ballo was close and the queen was going to take it back as a colony? I got that twice and found it unfunny - next it is in the papers and I got it 20 times in my inbox.

[BrilloPad]

I appreciate them. I trawl through your daily offerings regularly and e-mail my favs off to my friends.

many thanks for saying. it does mean alot.

[BrilloPad]

In yesterday's Birmingham Sunday Mercury(USA):
Worker dead at desk for 5 days
Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed
that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for FIVE
DAYS
before anyone asked if he was feeling okay.
George Turklebaum, 51, who had been employed as a proof-reader at a New
York
firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office he shared
with
23 other workers. He quietly passed away on Monday, but nobody noticed
until
Saturday morning when an office cleaner asked why he was still working
during the weekend.
His boss Elliot Wachiaski said: "George was always the first guy in each

morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual that
he
was in the same position all that time and didn't say anything. He was
always absorbed in his work and kept much to himself."
A post mortem examination revealed that he had been dead for five days
after
suffering a coronary. Ironically, George was proofreading manuscripts of

medical textbooks when he died.