Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Management is when ten people are paid for what five could do more cheaply if there were only three of them and two of those were off sick.

[vetran]

Any black people on the streets of Tottenham tonight are dyslexic and dangerous

They're the ones who read that there was a gathering for Dark Muggin'.

[vetran]

Breaking News - Hundreds of supporters of Mark Duggans family have gathered in Tottenham for a local shop lit vigil.

[vetran]

Ariel Sharon, former Israeli Prime Minister, dead at 85.

He is survived by his brothers, Helvetica and Comic Sans.

[vetran]

Someone phoned the vet's surgery and said they had a constipated alligator.

"That's a crock of tulip." I told them, before hanging up.

[vetran]

The women in my family have always kept their surnames after getting married.

They're not feminists, just from Norfolk.

[vetran]

A woman with a clipboard stopped me and asked if I'd participate in a survey.

"This country's going to the dogs," I ranted. "Bloody immigrants! Poles, blacks, bloody Chinese, and now Bulgarians. Do you know there's eighteen different languages spoken in my daughter's school. There's one kid from Moldova. I mean, where the ****'s Moldova? It's not on you know. Something's got to change."

"Okay...well..back to the survey," she said. "Can you believe it's not butter?"

[vetran]

What do necrophiliacs have before sex?

Goreplay

[vetran]

God is definitely a woman.

Otherwise tits would have beer in them.

[vetran]

I've just been told that I'm going to have to spend some time at Her Majesty's pleasure.

I hate shopping with the wife.