• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Went to have an haircut Barber said do you want it cut around the back?

    No I replied I'll stay here in with everyone else
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      My dad's star sign was Cancer which is ironic considering the way that he died.

      He was killed by a giant crab.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I've managed to keep my energy bills down for the next few months. I used a paperweight.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Originally posted by vetran View Post
          I've managed to keep my energy bills down for the next few months. I used a paperweight.
          Derry Craic?
          Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

          Comment


            King Charles will not make as many foreign visits as Queen Elizabeth did.

            Because the Queen could go any distance but the King can only move one space at a time.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Originally posted by NotAllThere View Post

              Derry Craic?
              ah no Sickipedia but they seem to share a lot of jokes. Cheers.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed........
                "It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I never thought I'd say I missed the competency of Bojo
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    In the 1920s we took the children out of the coal mines.

                    In the 2020s the most popular game on the internet is Minecraft.

                    The children yearn for the mines.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Questions have been raised over France's supply of weapons to Ukraine.

                      Were they questions like "what are we supposed to do with all these white flags?"
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X