• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    I went to an Art Auction at the Neverland Ranch and the first item was one of Michael's testicles splattered all over a canvas. I put in a bid for $100 but the Auctioneer laughed and told me it would probably fetch $1,000,000.
    Apparently that's the going rate for a Jackson Bollock.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      To whoever lost an iPhone 14 Pro Max outside the train station yesterday, can you please stop calling my new phone?
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        A jellyfish's mouth is also its anus.

        A bit like James Corden, Gary Lineker & Nicola Sturgeon.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          What does a horny frog say?

          "Rub it!"
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            (stolen from Glenny Rodge)

            “Saw a museum exhibition of nudes in London yesterday.”

            “Really? The V & A?”


            “Yep, some boobs and balls too”.
            {emotionless greeting}

            Three Word Slogan

            Comment


              I recently bought some cheap Deodorant from Isis, unfortunately I've now got the Police at my door investigating my Terrorist Lynx.
              {emotionless greeting}

              Three Word Slogan

              Comment


                Her: I don't even know what the cloning machine does


                Me: well that makes two of us
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

                Comment


                  "Give it to me" she begged,"Give it to me..."
                  "I'm so wet, oh god, I'm so wet...I want it NOW!" She screamed....
                  But,there's no way I would give up that umbrella,to anyone.....
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Japan fans put other supporters to shame as they picked up rubbish after a World Cup match that their side wasn?t even involved in.


                    Big deal Chelsea have been picking rubbish for years.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I named my pet termite, Clint!



                      Clint eats wood?
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X