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Please put more jokes here

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    #7041
    Just got a letter from Screwfix.. Turns out they are not a dating agency
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment

      #7042
      Originally posted by vetran View Post

      I’m fat but I’ve decided to identify as skinny.
      I’m trans-slender.





      I’m fat but I’ve decided to identify as skinny.
      I’m trans-slender.
      Are you twins?
      {emotionless greeting}

      Three Word Slogan

      Comment

        #7043
        What’s invisible and smells like carrots?


        Rabbit farts.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment

          #7044
          Just had the following conversation with my wife.


          Wife: Can’t believe how much weight I’ve gained since lockdown.
          Me: You haven’t gained that much weight. Come on… chin up. No, the other one.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment

            #7045
            As I sat down next to a bloke on the bus he gave me a really strange look.
            “That’s typical,” I thought. “The bus is empty and yet I still end up sitting next to a ******** nutcase.”
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment

              #7046
              Just broken up with my girlfriend due to religious differences… She failed to worship me.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment

                #7047
                Yo mama so stupid…


                She even failed her blood test!
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment

                  #7048
                  Things that can drive wife crazy during lockdown:


                  -Not saying sorry
                  -Saying sorry and not meaning it
                  -Saying sorry
                  -Not saying anything
                  -Saying anything
                  -Breathing!!
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment

                    #7049
                    Yo mama so ugly even bob the builder cant fix her.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment

                      #7050
                      Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank,



                      give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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