• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    What’s the difference between my dog and your wife?

    My dog doesn’t always come when I call.
    {emotionless greeting}

    Three Word Slogan

    Comment


      [QUOTE=Grasser73;2636745]Janet Street Porter goes into a bar and asks the barman "Can I get a large aperitif?"

      Oh, larger pair of teeth! Took me a while to get that one.
      bloggoth

      If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
      John Wayne (My guru, not to be confused with my beloved prophet Jeremy Clarkson)

      Comment


        A man walks in to his marital bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife, who is in bed, looks up as the man says “This is the pig I **** when you have a headache”.
        The wife looks at him and says
        “I think you’ll find that is not a pig, it is a sheep.”
        the man replies “I think you’ll find I was talking to the sheep.”
        bloggoth

        If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
        John Wayne (My guru, not to be confused with my beloved prophet Jeremy Clarkson)

        Comment


          Originally posted by WTFH View Post
          What’s the difference between my dog and your wife?

          My dog doesn’t always come when I call.
          upvoted and stolen!
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Originally posted by vetran View Post
            upvoted and stolen!
            Copyright: me.

            I thought it up while out walking her the other day (The Dog, not your wife)
            {emotionless greeting}

            Three Word Slogan

            Comment


              Originally posted by WTFH View Post
              Copyright: me.

              I thought it up while out walking her the other day (The Dog, not your wife)

              That's alright I normally take your wife for a ride
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                My Dad always taught us to stand tall with your head held high like him. Lovely man, tragically short career as helicopter ground crew.
                “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                Comment


                  I’m fat but I identify as thin. I’m trans-slender.
                  {emotionless greeting}

                  Three Word Slogan

                  Comment


                    Originally posted by vetran View Post
                    That's alright I normally take your wife for a ride
                    is it a sign of your age or his..? that you no longer use "mum" jokes for this..

                    Comment


                      Inspired by this: -
                      https://www.contractoruk.com/forums/...ml#post2640459

                      What is green and commutes? An albelian grape.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X