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    I went to the doctors yesterday. I said to him ' my wife is getting headaches and not sleeping. What's wrong with her?'

    The doctor replied 'she could just be run down'

    So I hit her with a bus.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Donald Trump said, "I was elected to represent the citizens of Pittsburgh, and not Paris."

      "Sorry," he said a moment later as he corrected himself, "It's pronounced 'St. Petersburg'."
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I made my wife's dreams come true and we were married in a castle.

        But you sure wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My girlfreind suggested she wanted to have sex on a ship. Wasn't really into it but whatever floats her boat a suppose.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Have you ever noticed how the classiest and sexiest women in the world always seem to drive the smallest, sleekest cars.

            Talking about cars reminds me. I need to arrange the MOT on the wife's Transit.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Who remembers when terrorists used 757's to crash them into the largest buildings in the world..

              Now-a-days they're having to use grubby 2nd hand vans and hammers...

              The Tory's have obviously cut the ******* terrorism budget as well...
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I heard Apple was bringing out a new automatic car, but had problems installing Windows.
                “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                Comment


                  For PC

                  Went to see my job advisor at the jobcentre today she told me looking for a jobs a full time job. To which I replied drinking stella and smoking weed is a full time job. If five minutes filling in a job diary once a fortnight is a full time job to you no wonder the country's gone to tulip with civil servants like you.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    one for our divorcees

                    Marriage....because your tulipty day doesn't have to end after work.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I wonder what Cambridge University Netball Team abbreviate their name to?
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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