Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I lost my job teaching bluegrass music at the summer camp.

Too much fiddling with the kids, I guess.

[vetran]

Why did Unilever name their margarine 'Stork' in the 1920's when it was actually made of whales?

[shaunbhoy]

Interviewer: "So how long were you employed in your last job?"
Candidate: "I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills."

[vetran]

CUK posters

I went to the corner shop earlier to get some cigarettes.

The shopkeeper handed me a packet. The warning on it said, "Smokers Die Younger".

I said, "No, not this one. My parents wouldn't like that."

He handed me another. The warning on it said, "Smoking Causes Cancer".

I said, "No, not this one either. My doctor wouldn't like that."

He handed me another. The warning on it said, "Smoking Can Damage The Sperm And Causes Infertility".

I said, "I'll take this one. I don't think that sock under my bed really gives cares."

[vetran]

McDonald's were giving away 18-month old, badly behaved, kids and 10 Mayfair fags to any white girl in a tracksuit aged between 12 and 15 yesterday.
Or so it seemed.

[TheFaQQer]

I lost my job teaching bluegrass music at the summer camp.

Too much fiddling with the kids, I guess.

Adam Kay (Amateur Transplants) is currently performing his UK-wide tour called "Fingering A Minor on the Piano" (linky)

[vetran]

I think my wife is going insane.
She said "Honey, can you unload the dish washer please?"
Next thing you know, she'll be asking the marmalade to take out the bins.

[vetran]

NLYUK came over to me in the restaurant earlier, she said:

"Do you like what you see, stud?"

I said, "get your t1ts out love."

"Ahh, you wanna see some more do you?" She purred.

"No" I replied, "they're dangling in my curry."

[vetran]

And the latest news from Hollywood, is, Roger Moore will roger no more.

[vetran]

A husband and wife decide they need to spice up their sex life. The wife buys a pair of crotchless underwear, puts them on, and goes into the bedroom. She seductively asks her husband, "Hey Big Boy, do ya want some of this?"

The husband takes one look at her underwear and replies, "Hell no! Look what that thing does to underwear!"