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Please put more jokes here

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    I got my wife a Mini Cooper for her birthday.

    **** knows why she wants a midget who makes barrels.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I won first place in a political correctness competition the weekend...
      Though to be fair, so did everyone else.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        one for AssGuru

        I received a letter recently saying I'd won an award as the 'Most Humble Man in Britain'.

        I replied telling them there's been a mistake, surely it should have said 'in the World'.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My mate asked me to be usher at his wedding.
          I said I'd try and learn a couple of his songs, but there's no way I'll be able to do the dance routines.
          “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

          Comment


            My Great Grandfather fought in world war 1 and single handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication.
            He ate their pigeon.
            “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

            Comment


              MAKE sure your child has access to a unique email address when they grow up by naming them Spatchcock Rivertits.
              “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

              Comment


                When Yogi Bear does it - it's funny but when I steal a family's picnic basket wearing just a hat and tie, the police get involved.
                “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                Comment


                  Every time I attend a wake I get completely pissed, then end up vomiting.

                  I must have funereal disease.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Naughty

                    Paris is the most popular tourist destination with nearly one-fifth of its population being tourists at any time of the year.

                    So 20% of Paris is occupied by foreigners. Just like the 1940s
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Monopoly 2017 UK edition:- the jail has no spaces left - there's no free parking -
                      no-one can buy any houses because they can't get a mortgage -
                      win or lose, you still have to bail out the banker
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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