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Please put more jokes here

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    Paddy walks into Greggs and asks, "how much are your sausage rolls?"
    "They're 2 for 99p," replies the assistant.
    "And how much for just one?" enquires Paddy.
    "69p" comes the reply.
    "Ah, I'll take the other one then."
    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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      UP AND COMING Bands. Get free advertising by calling yourselves "Missing cat"
      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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        Crazy woman near my kid's school. Calls herself a lollipop woman then gets all upset when you try to lick her.
        The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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          Last night my wife found me in the pub, threw a pint over my head, and called me a '******* ****'. Every year she has to go and ruin our wedding anniversary.
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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            Some people see images of our lord and saviour in their toast. Some see him in the clouds. Now it seems to be in toilets. Every time I go to the toilet I always hear the person who goes into after me say, "Jesus Christ".
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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              17 Americans have been killed by furniture last year. Only 4 have been killed by ISIS.

              So the Yanks are going to bomb IKEA.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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                They say Mexicans are bordering on the insane. So what? So are the Canadians.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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                  Jamie Oliver says there's "nothin worse in the world than an undercooked green bean"
                  I'll go out on a limb & say he doesn't watch the news
                  “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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                    My wife's sister knocked me out yesterday. What kind of sneaky bitch puts chloroform in her dirty knickers?
                    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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                      A man and a woman go into a lift. The man asks "can I smell your pussy?". The woman replies "OF COURSE NOT!". The man says "Must be your feet then".

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