• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Originally posted by WTFH View Post
    Breaking news: EVERYONE at John Lennon Airport have just been placed into quarantine.
    Imagine! All the people.
    Sounds like Milton Jones that one.
    Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

    Comment


      Boris and bake off are on tv at the same time tonight so no matter which channel you watch you’ll see an Eton Mess
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.
        "Can I ask you something?" I said.






        "Certainly," he replied.






        I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I've been banned from our local petrol station for playing ‘The Who’ too loudly on my car stereo...


          I won't get fuelled again.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            News:Bomb found in Birmingham travelodge.

            Probably done by Ibis.
            Last edited by vetran; 22 September 2020, 13:57.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              NAT tod me this story!

              I was at a bar the other day and I saw a hen party wearing T-shirts printed with the words Penis Police. I asked them what it meant.


              They said that if I had an average-sized penis, I would be charged with a misdemeanour. If I had a large penis, I would be charged with a felony.


              Anyway, long story short, they gave me a parking ticket.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                The neighbours knocked on the front door.
                "We're going out tonight," they told me. "We need a babysitter for our two-year-old boy that doesn't smoke or do drugs or gamble."






                "I'm not sure why you're boasting," I replied. "I don't know any two-year-olds that do those things."
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Well, my grandad was on the Western Front and he reckoned it was really noisy.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    The inventor of the sexual innuendo has sadly passed away today.


                    His wife is taking it really hard.
                    {emotionless greeting}

                    Three Word Slogan

                    Comment


                      for WTFH

                      I hate it when I'm texting and I'm rudely interrupted by a cyclist bouncing off my windscreen
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X