Originally posted by WTFH
View Post
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
- Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Please put more jokes here
Collapse
X
Collapse
-
-
Boris and bake off are on tv at the same time tonight so no matter which channel you watch you’ll see an Eton Mess"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.
"Can I ask you something?" I said.
"Certainly," he replied.
I said, "Why did you just eat my food?""If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
I've been banned from our local petrol station for playing ‘The Who’ too loudly on my car stereo...
I won't get fuelled again."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
News:Bomb found in Birmingham travelodge.
Probably done by Ibis.Last edited by vetran; 22 September 2020, 13:57."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
NAT tod me this story!
I was at a bar the other day and I saw a hen party wearing T-shirts printed with the words Penis Police. I asked them what it meant.
They said that if I had an average-sized penis, I would be charged with a misdemeanour. If I had a large penis, I would be charged with a felony.
Anyway, long story short, they gave me a parking ticket."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
The neighbours knocked on the front door.
"We're going out tonight," they told me. "We need a babysitter for our two-year-old boy that doesn't smoke or do drugs or gamble."
"I'm not sure why you're boasting," I replied. "I don't know any two-year-olds that do those things.""If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
Well, my grandad was on the Western Front and he reckoned it was really noisy."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
The inventor of the sexual innuendo has sadly passed away today.
His wife is taking it really hard.{emotionless greeting}
Three Word SloganComment
-
for WTFH
I hate it when I'm texting and I'm rudely interrupted by a cyclist bouncing off my windscreen"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- Chancellor Jeremy Hunt's new growth plan leaves IT contractors flat, or in disbelief Today 09:56
- How does IR35 insurance for contractors work, in practice? Jan 27 18:49
- Already know you'll miss Tuesday's tax deadline? Proceed at your peril Jan 26 09:50
- Can I expense via my limited company a Smartwatch bought for me at Christmas? Jan 26 09:47
- 'Laggard' contractors urged to file now as Jan 31st tax deadline looms Jan 25 10:31
- Contractors' Questions: Where do limited company directors struggle with self-assessment tax returns? Jan 25 09:46
- Taxman tries to tackle ex-rugby union ace Stuart Barnes on IR35, but fails Jan 24 10:38
- Where foul play crept into HMRC's IR35 attack on ex-rugby union star Stuart Barnes Jan 24 09:49
- 5 contractor tips to keep burnout at bay in 2023 Jan 23 23:16
- MPs put HMRC on deadline over unacceptable service to taxpayers Jan 23 09:51
Comment