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Please put more jokes here

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    I hate people who bang on about their phobias.


    I have terrible fear of heights, but you won't find me shouting about it from the rooftops.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      I was checking out a good looking bird at Asda when the wife caught me.


      That’s it. No turkey dinner for us tonight.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        Is it possible for an evil spirit to be dyslexic?
        Asking for a fiend.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          Life is like a box of chocolates


          Not as fun with diabetes
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            My Grandma is 96 years old and still doesn't need glasses.


            She drinks straight from the bottle
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              “I’m a chien smoker” I said.


              “Don’t you mean chain smoker?” my mate replied.


              “Nope” I said, lighting up a French Bulldog.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                I hate being married to a cockney.


                Every time I write apples and pears on the shopping list, she comes home with a staircase.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  Douglas Adams once famously wrote that the answer to life, the universe and everything is '42'.


                  Well, he got that wrong.


                  I'm 43 now, and I still know ****-all about anything.
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    I tried to come up with a joke about tulip furniture but I've got no Ikea.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn


                      He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.


                      It’s our family hair loom.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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