• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Breaking News: Texas residents warned of tap water tainted with brain-eating microbe


    "We only found this in a routine test of the water samples. Unfortunately there are absolutely no detectable symptoms in the American public."
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      What do you call a basement full of feminists?


      A whine cellar.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        I saw a midget climbing down a prison wall..
        I thought that’s a little condescending ..!!
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          A priest walks into a pub and orders a pint of Guinness.
          "There you go," says the barman." but I warn you we don't tolerate any religious conversation in this pub."
          "Far be it from me," replies the priest. "In fact, I bet you a drink that you mention religion before I do."
          "You're on," says the barman.
          So the priest sips at his pint, plays a couple of records on the juke box, goes to the loo, comes back and flops his cock out on the bar.
          "Jesus Christ!" says the barman.
          "Thank you," says the priest. "I'll have a large scotch."
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            I just ate an entire philosophy book.


            Now I feel really thoughtful.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              Gravestones are a thing of the passed.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                I was at the restaurant and a beautiful woman came to me.
                I look at her and she look at me and then she ask me if I'm alone and I said yes.

                She smiled and I smiled back at her and then she took one chair out from my table.
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  I'm opening a new tool and sweet shop on an Irish building site.


                  It'll be called, Pick 'n' Micks.
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    Yesterday I told a joke so dark an American cop shot it dead
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      For some reason, women get really annoyed when a man watches pornography on their phone.


                      It’s why I no longer work at the Apple store.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X