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Please put more jokes here

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    A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for 100 dollars?"

    "Are you nuts?", she replies. And keeps walking away.

    He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

    "Would you let me bite your breasts for 1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

    "Listen sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"

    So the guy runs again around the next block and faces her again: "Would let me bite your breasts for 10,000 dollars?"

    She thinks about it for a while and says "Hmmm 10,000 dollars eh? Ok, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there"

    So they go to that alley and she takes off the blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.

    As soon as he sees them he jumps on them and start caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them but no biting. In the end the woman gets all annoyed and asks:

    "Are you gonna bite them or what?"

    "Nah", he replies. "Too expensive."


      Subject: 7th Grade Science Test

      A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life
      science classroom, staring at a question on the final
      exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of
      breast milk."
      What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever
      came into his head, hoping for the best:

      1. No need to boil.
      2. Never goes sour.
      3. Available whenever necessary.

      So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth
      answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He
      frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he
      brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he
      scribbled his definitive answer:

      4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.

      He received an A.


        A group of golfers were approaching the first tee when they noticed a
        woman being given first aid.

        One of the golfers asked what had happened and was informed that she had
        been stung by a bee and was suffering an allergic reaction.

        "Where was she stung?", he asked.

        "Between the first and second hole", was the reply.

        "Wow!", the man said. "She must have been standing right over the nest".


          One for the Ladies
          THE RIVER

          One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly
          came upon a large raging violent river.

          They needed to get to the other side, but had no
          idea of how to do so.

          The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God,
          give me the strength to cross this river.

          God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the
          river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.

          Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the
          strength ... and the tools to cross this river."
          God gave rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour,
          after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

          The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also
          prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...and
          the intelligence ... to cross this river."

          And poof! God turned him into a woman.

          She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked
          across the bridge!


            Q: What is yellow has four eyes and lives off dead beatles ?
            A: Yoko Ono


              The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay
              flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served
              them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing
              down the aisle and announced to the passengers "Captain Marvey
              has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly,
              lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

              On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well dressed, rather
              exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over
              those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man
              can pitty-pat us on the ground."

              She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called
              a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant
              replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm
              called Queen, so I out rank you. Put the tray up, Bitch."


                Redneck Vasectomy
                After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was
                enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to
                his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to
                have any more children.

                The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
                could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly
                alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb
                (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer
                can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

                The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in
                the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can
                next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me," said the doctor.

                So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He
                held the can up to his ear and began to count:






                At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and
                resumed counting on his other hand.

                This procedure also works in Kentucky, Mississippi, and West Virginia.


                  How many freudian analysts does it take ...

                  ... to change a light bulb?

                  Answer: Two. One to change the light bulb and the other to hold the
                  penis, I mean ladder!


                    How can you tell good mushrooms from bad ones?

                    Serve them to your mother-in-law.
                    If she drops dead they're good ones.


                      What do you get if ...
                      ... you cross a pit-bull terrier with a prostitute?

                      Answer: Your last ever blow job!