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Please put more jokes here

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    #31
    Two blokes walking along see a dog cleaning itself by licking its nob. One bloke says "Look at that dog - I wish I could do that." The other bloke says "Well give him a biscuit and perhaps he'll let you."

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      #32
      A 94 year old chap is tending to his front garden when he sees a frog. The frog says to him "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess, you can do what you want with me and I'll be your slave forever". So the guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket. The frog says "Didn't you hear me? I said if you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess, you can do what you want with me and I'll be your slave forever".

      "At my age?" says the guy, "I'd rather have a talking frog".
      The vegetarian option.

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        #33
        It could save a lot of space on the internet is everyone just went to sickipedia (as featured on Radio 4 at the weekend!)

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          #34
          That sickipedia link is cool, but I like to think there's some QA here...

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            #35
            Originally posted by dang65
            It could save a lot of space on the internet is everyone just went to sickipedia (as featured on Radio 4 at the weekend!)
            Quality Site!
            "Wait, I still function!"

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              #36
              that sickepedia is really sick site
              some sick jokes about paedophilia

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                #37
                A vicar is invited to give a talk to the womens institute. The subject is 'The importance of a healthy sexual relationship within marriage'.

                The vicar is so embarrassed he tells his wife that the talk is to be about sailing. Anyway he goes to the institute and his talk is a resounding success. A few days later the vicars wife and the the leader of the womens institute meet whilst out shopping and the leader is very effusive about the vicars talk.


                'Well I dont understand how he thinks he knows so much about the subject. He's only ever tried it three times, the first time he gave up after bungling around for half an hour, the second time he got soaking wet and the last time his hat blew off'





                (\__/)
                (>'.'<)
                ("")("") Born to Drink. Forced to Work

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                  #38
                  I saw a couple of men stealing a gate the other day....



                  I would have said something, but I was afraid they would take offence..

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                    #39
                    This guy goes into a bank in Zurich and leans over the counter and whisper to the teller
                    “ I have a million pounds in cash to pay into my account”
                    The teller smiles and says
                    “don’t worry sir, it’s not a shame to be poor in Zurich”
                    Fiscal nomad it's legal.

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                      #40
                      Rich old guy comes home one day and finds his wife looking really glum. He asks her what is up and she says she is depressed. He then says he will take her down to the garage and buy her a new Porsche. She says she doesn't need or want a new car.
                      He then says he will take her to the jewellers and buy her any ring she likes the look of. She declines saying she has already got more jewellery than she needs.
                      He then says they should go to the Travel Agents and book a long luxurious holiday together. She tells him she doesnt want that either, she wants a divorce.
                      The guy replies "Fook me, I wasn't thinking of spending THAT sort of money!"
                      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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