• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • FREE webinar: What does a post IR35 reform CV look like? : Mon, May 10, 2021 7:15 PM - 8:15 PM BST More details here.

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    #11
    There are two guys talking.

    The first one says: “You know, the day I met you, I thought you were a c***. And every time we’ve met since I thought you were a c***. And it can’t just be me, because everyone who’s ever met you thinks you are a c***, and probably everyone who will ever meet you will think you’re a c***. In fact, you’ve got to be the second-biggest c*** in the world.”


    The second guy thinks about this for a while.

    “So the day you met me you thought I was a c***?”

    “Yep.”

    “And every day since you’ve thought I was a . . .”

    “Right.”

    “And everyone I’ve ever met thinks I’m a . . .”

    “You got it.”

    “And everyone I will ever meet will think I’m a . . .”

    “Uh-huh.”

    “So how comes,” he says, triumphantly, “I’m only the second biggest c*** in the world?”

    ...



    ...
















    The first guy looks at him with total contempt. “Because you’re a c***,” he says.

    Comment


      #12
      There was another version of this on here recently, but what the hell:

      A duck walks into a bar and orders a pint. The barman asks "What's your name? Have you had a good day?"

      The duck answers "My name's Huwey. I've had a good day, done a bit of this and that and bin in and out of puddles all day so life doesn't get better than that for a duck"


      Another duck walks into the bar and orders a pint. The barman asks "What's your name? Have you had a good day?" The duck answers "My name is Dewey. I've had a good day. Got into puddles a couple of times so I am happy."

      A third duck walks into the bar, The barman says "Let me guess, your name must be Louiy".

      "no" she says, "my name is Puddles"

      Comment


        #13


        Thanks guys & gals, very funny so far

        Comment


          #14
          Rich was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't have a clue what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

          His buddy said, "I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled."

          So that's what Rich did.

          The next day at the bar his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

          "Yes, I did," said Joe.

          "Did she like it?" His buddy asked.

          "Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"

          Comment


            #15
            A man walks into a bar....ouch.

            Geordie version: "A man walks into an iron bar like......hang on that's not reet"..
            "My God, it's huge!!"

            Comment


              #16
              It's been too long, lets have some more!

              Comment


                #17
                two cannibals sit down to eat.

                One says to the other "i hate my mother-in-law"

                The other replies "just eat your chips then"











                I'll get me coat
                Keep it clean!!!

                Comment


                  #18
                  Two parrots sitting on a perch, one turns to the other and says "Can you smell fish?".
                  The vegetarian option.

                  Comment


                    #19
                    A guy walks into a bakers' shop, he says, "I'd like a loaf of bread, please". The baker asks "Brown or White?", he says "it doesn't matter, I've got my bike outside".
                    The vegetarian option.

                    Comment


                      #20
                      Originally posted by wobbegong
                      A guy walks into a bakers' shop, he says, "I'd like a loaf of bread, please". The baker asks "Brown or White?", he says "it doesn't matter, I've got my bike outside".
                      i dont get it. explain
                      Keep it clean!!!

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X