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Previously on "Please put more jokes here"

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  • vetran
    replied
    Why are Team GB's medal-winning cyclists from the north?

    Because we in the south can afford cars.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I tried to explain to my wife, You put carrot in carrot cake, Egg in eggnog and cheese in cheesecake.

    She said there was no way she would try chicken coq-au-vin.

    Leave a comment:


  • ladymuck
    replied

    I asked my cryptotrader friend if they'd lend me a bitcoin.

    "£43,603?" they replied. "£36,521 is a lot of money. What do you need £27,329 for anyway?"






    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    replied
    Why does the Norwegian Navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships?

    So when they come into port they can Scandinavian.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    My girlfriend filmed herself having her hair bleached and made longer earlier.


    I’ve just watched the extended highlights.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Dusty Hill died in his sleep.


    He just zztopped breathing.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Pfizer is NOT trying to kill you with their vaccine.


    They want to keep you alive long enough until you need Viagra.
    A dead customer does not help their bottom line.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    for Halo

    How do architects, engineers and male pornstars gain fame?



    Through their erections

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Two men both walk into a bar.

    One of them says "Ow" and the other one says "Ow"

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    For NAT



    The vaccine saved my life says PIERS MORGAN.



    FFS, don't give the anti-vaxxers something to work with.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Royal Family has 'very real fears' that Harry's '£18m' four-book deal could destabilize the discount bins in WH Smith.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    There's a sign in my local park that reads, 'Please do not cycle on the grass. You may injure a young child or elderly person.'

    I'm pissed about the cycling, but at least they've provided an alternative activity.

    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    replied
    Originally posted by BR14 View Post
    you really are about as funny as a terminal cancer diagnosis.
    It's true. But you are not.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Originally posted by BR14 View Post
    you really are about as funny as a terminal cancer diagnosis.
    Luckily so many people upvote me so much I know what they like.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I once did a gig a long time ago where i admittedly had misrepresented my abilities and the kids at this party were very disappointed by the balloon animals I was making.

    "Let me guess, this one will be a worm or a snake too," groaned this one snot nosed little prick.

    "Absolutely not."

    "Than what is this then ?"

    "An Eel."

    Leave a comment:

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