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Previously on "Please put more jokes here"

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  • vetran
    replied
    For NAT



    The vaccine saved my life says PIERS MORGAN.



    FFS, don't give the anti-vaxxers something to work with.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Royal Family has 'very real fears' that Harry's '£18m' four-book deal could destabilize the discount bins in WH Smith.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    There's a sign in my local park that reads, 'Please do not cycle on the grass. You may injure a young child or elderly person.'

    I'm pissed about the cycling, but at least they've provided an alternative activity.

    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    replied
    Originally posted by BR14 View Post
    you really are about as funny as a terminal cancer diagnosis.
    It's true. But you are not.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Originally posted by BR14 View Post
    you really are about as funny as a terminal cancer diagnosis.
    Luckily so many people upvote me so much I know what they like.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I once did a gig a long time ago where i admittedly had misrepresented my abilities and the kids at this party were very disappointed by the balloon animals I was making.

    "Let me guess, this one will be a worm or a snake too," groaned this one snot nosed little prick.

    "Absolutely not."

    "Than what is this then ?"

    "An Eel."

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I've been pinged five times today. I hate this new microwave oven.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Why should you never wear Ukrainian boxer shorts?

    Because Chernobyl fallout

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I told my wife there's nothing to beat three in a bed.

    You really need to do something about your obsession with darts, she replied.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I was halfway through telling the group about how much Johnson's baby powder I use when the guy at the front interrupted me.
    "Sorry mate, but I think you're in the wrong room," he said. "Talcoholics anonymous is next door."

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    How many prostitutes does it take to paint a house?
    Asking as the prices quoted by painters in my area are getting ridiculous.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    North Korea is testing out a rocket that some believe is going to be launched to the moon. The problem is they can’t find an astronaut who will go to the moon and then willingly return to North Korea.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Gok Wan's bisexual brother is doing a book signing and, for every book sold this week, Gok is adding his signature too.


    It's Bi Wan, Gok Wan free.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Kerry Katona?

    One's a despot and the other's desperate.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Doesn't it make you proud to hear Thomas Bach of Germany, President of the International Olympic Committee, address the world at the Tokyo Olympics?





    In English.

    Leave a comment:

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