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    I was walking down the street when I saw four Liverpool fans playing football with a kitten. I was about to phone the RSPCA but the kitten dribbled past two of them and scored.
    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

    Comment


      It was easy money playing poker with a bunch of origami enthusiasts.

      They just kept folding.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        What is the smallest organ in a goat?

        An Isis member's dick
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I want to leave this world like I came into it.

          In a 19 year old pussy.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            My patient asked nervously, "Have you ever circumcised an adult befo-?"

            "Nope," I replied, cutting him off short.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I got my Valium and Viagra mixed up though other day,

              I fell asleep whilst trying to Tup the missus
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                A Rabbi was asked to leave his position due to the onset of Parkinson's Disease.
                When I say "asked to leave", he got the sack.
                The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

                Comment


                  An image of Jesus appeared in a tub of margarine in my fridge,
                  so I went and showed it to by Buddhist neighbor.





                  He looked at it and said, "I can't believe it's not Buddha."
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    One for Brillo

                    Pumping away furiously and desperate to unload I whispered to my wife, "Tell me when I've made you come."

                    "Twice in 1997 and once in 2006." she replied.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      too true

                      If you lose your wife when shopping , don't spend ages looking for her , just stare at a young bird with big tits and she will magically appear beside you staring at you .
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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