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Please put more jokes here

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    NAT was telling me the other day "I'm not sure what the best thing is about living in Switzerland, but the flag is a big plus"
    I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
    Hands... out infractions
    Face... the music
    Space... between the ears

    Comment


      A photon checked in at the airport and was asked if he had any luggage. He replied "No, I'm travelling light"
      I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
      Hands... out infractions
      Face... the music
      Space... between the ears

      Comment


        What do you call a room full of dead people?

        An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          For NLUK

          After last year's Valentines meal out, my missus refuses to go out with me this year.
          All because last year she came down all dressed up to the nines and said "Well what do you think?"
          I said "You look just like a movie star, Darling"
          She said "Oh, how sweet, who?"

          "******* ET!" I replied
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Roses are red
            Violets are blue
            I've got Tourettes
            F*** off you ****


            ---------------------

            Roses are red
            Violets are blue
            I'm schizophrenic
            And so am I.
            The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

            Comment


              I went to Welsh Toby Carvery yesterday and I ordered the lamb roast.

              Within the first bite I found a used condom
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Just had my Valentine's day card off Moonpig.

                She hates it when I call her that.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I'm no expert the stock market but I do understand around Valentine's Day the price of flowers and chocolates must go up so that knickers and stockings can come down.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    for

                    I find red wine improves sex with my wife.

                    Especially after six bottles.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I asked my North Korean penfriend what life was like growing up in Pyongyang.
                      He said, "can't complain."
                      The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

                      Comment

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