Children with ADHD. Real or bad parenting?

[cojak]

My eldest has had behaviour problems all his life. Things recently have gone from bad, to worse, to rock bottom - but as a result he has finally been allocated a key worker and seems to be getting some help.

He's been referred him to an adult ADHD centre - waiting list 12-13 months. He'll be dead or in prison by then.

Sorry to hear that.

[SueEllen]

The 'smack' works due to the short sharp shock you get which hurts and makes you think - I did not like that why did it happen and how can I try and make sure it does not happen again?

Kids are very resilient but note I do not condone repeated smacks as that does lead to the wrong sort of behaviours being re-enforced.

I wonder why Autism is more prevalent now?

Better diagnosis.

They are now realising it is not just boys who suffer from these conditions, and there are more specialists who are aware of the problems. Unfortunately many GPs and others in primary care still come out with pig ignorant statements that conform to stereotypes e.g. you can't be autistic because you aren't a boy, you can't have ADHD because you aren't a middle class white boy.*

Oh and smacking children to stop them doing something doesn't work. They just ignore it, or if they are normal and bright they just do it behind your back.

In regards to children doing dangerous things e.g. putting hands in fire, running across the road - your first instinct is to grab them which frequently hurts them as it is a rough action.

*Yes I know people who work in the field and others who have the conditions.

[vetran]

Sorry to hear that.

+1

[MarillionFan]

My eldest has had behaviour problems all his life. Things recently have gone from bad, to worse, to rock bottom - but as a result he has finally been allocated a key worker and seems to be getting some help.

He's been referred him to an adult ADHD centre - waiting list 12-13 months. He'll be dead or in prison by then.

Does he have any medication? When DS1 is at his worse decision making, the medication calms him down and does give him the ability to focus.

[mudskipper]

Does he have any medication? When DS1 is at his worse decision making, the medication calms him down and does give him the ability to focus.

No. We first sought help for his behaviour when he was about 7, but didn't get anywhere. I think we bought the idea that he was just 'naughty'.

I don't think a diagnosis of ADHD would be an excuse for what he's done in his adult life, but it might be an explanation, and something that could be treated to give us all some hope for the future.

[vwdan]

Pretty heartbreaking thread to read - no doubt every parent here has only ever done and wished their best for their kids.

For my part, there appears to be at least some evidence that kids with congenital heart defects are more likely to be on autistic spectrum, have ADHD or other similar conditions. I try not to worry about it too much at this point, but it's definitely in the back of mind as something to watch for.

[MarillionFan]

So been attending the special unit for the last theee months for one day a week. For the other days two hours a day in mainstream (last month 1.5 hours) to be upped 15 minutes a week.

He doesn’t go in the class anymore sitting in a library with a 121. Not been to an assembly in a year and only just been allowed to have a playtime (we’d been picking him up just before). Can’t do clubs, can’t do lunchtimes, can’t do supermarkets, lost most of his friends now.

His draft EHCP has come through. 20 hours one to one in mainstream. So now rejecting that. School says he will need to leave as he now isn’t getting the curriculum.

With that draft I have now spent the last week having to visit special needs and behavioural schools. Some are like prisons, some like a one star motel Scooter would have stayed in, some religious, some normal looking.Quirky kids, slow kids, ADHD kids, kids wearing ear defenders, kids shouting, kids being restrained, loud kids, rude kids, special kids.

The school we went to today is good, up until eleven. A lot of schools will keep them until 18, but this was for juniors and seemed the best fit. They can deal with kids flipping out.

I asked how many kids went into mainstream when they leave this school. They said 4 in four years. 4! ******* four. I have to admit I cried.

So a special school next. I know where this will eventually go. I hate this thread.

So in Year 5 now. Formally recognized as 'disabled' albeit a hidden disability.

Was at the local school fete at the weekend where my son used to go. All the parents discussing the secondary schools little Johnny will go to, the entrance exams, the scholarships, how good they are all sport etc

At least two couples asked if DS1 was Ok now, was he cured.

Been arguing with the missus over some time, what type of school he should go to.
Should it be a Mainstream but with a special provision, or does he need a Special School, one of those expensive schools with spaccy kids all the Sun Readers say are a waste of money or down to piss poor parenting.

We've been so see at least 20 schools. Some should be shut down, they're like prisons and do nothing for children on the spectrum. Others are great, but mixed with children of different disabilities either physical or mental, so the peer group is challenging.

The mainstream schools with provision are mixed. The specialist teachers get it, but the kids and the teachers dont, so they land up getting bullied, or triggered by adults who are too stuck in their ways.

And to cap it all, we have to make a decision, a decision in the next four weeks. Way before anyone else has to do for school placing. We have to make a decision NOW, 18 months before we know how he'll cope or be in 18 months.

After a few school visits with him to secondary schools recently it's become quite obvious that he could never do a normal school even with help. So a specialist school is what we have to find and agree in the next four weeks.

I wish i'd just given him a bloody good hiding 7 years ago when I first posted this thread.

[NotAllThere]

I wish i'd just given him a bloody good hiding 7 years ago when I first posted this thread.

It's good to admit you've only yourself to blame.

[BrilloPad]

We are currently going through a similar battle though our case is not as severe as yours.

I'm not going to post similar details as its fodder for the usual retards(who should have been to a specialist school). Even a mod is having a pop - but that won't surprise you.

If you want my help again just drop me a text. And the offer of access to one of the top specialists in the world still stands.

[SimonMac]

We are currently going through a similar battle though our case is not as severe as yours.

I'm not going to post similar details as its fodder for the usual retards(who should have been to a specialist school). Even a mod is having a pop - but that won't surprise you.

If you want my help again just drop me a text. And the offer of access to one of the top specialists in the world still stands.

Massive Fatty gets the respect he deserves on these forums given the tulip he gives others

Should it be a Mainstream but with a special provision, or does he need a Special School, one of those expensive schools with spaccy kids all the Sun Readers say are a waste of money or down to piss poor parenting.