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Please put more jokes here

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    The US isn't the only country with a leader who can't control his bodily functions.

    After being threatened by Biden and Boris, Putin has pissed himself laughing.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I went to a wife-swapping party last night.

      It was great. I got a lawnmower and a crate of beer for mine.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        A guy was driving down a country lane and he ran over a cockerel and he was very upset. He went to the farmhouse and knocked on the door and a woman opened it and he said: 'I appear to have killed your cockerel. I'd like to replace him.'

        And she said: 'Please yourself, the hens are round the back.

        Nod to Barry Cryer
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          A woman walks past a petshop and sees a magnificent parrot in the window.

          She rushes inside and says, 'How much for the parrot?'

          '£5,' says the shopkeeper.

          'Only £5? I've got to have it,' says the woman. 'Why's it so cheap?'

          'Well, I must confess, it was brought up in a brothel,' said the shopkeeper. 'And, to put it politely, it has quite an extensive vocabulary.'

          'Never mind,' says the woman. 'At that price, I'll take it.'

          So she takes the parrot home, puts its cage in the living room and takes the cover off.

          'New place - very nice,' says the parrot.

          Then the woman's two daughters walk in.

          'New place, new girls - very nice,' says the parrot.

          Then the woman's husband walks in, and the parrot says, 'Oh hello, Keith!'
          {emotionless greeting}

          Three Word Slogan

          Comment


            This bus breaks down.
            Driver says to the conductress, “I’ll fix this, love.”
            He’s got his head under the bonnet.
            Ten minutes go by.
            Passengers getting restless.
            Conductress goes down and says, “Do you want a screwdriver?”
            He replies “no, we’re 10 minutes late already”
            {emotionless greeting}

            Three Word Slogan

            Comment


              In a country with a long history like England, what with Romans, Vikings, knights, battles, civil wars and so on, who knows what lies buried in the ground?

              Which is why I`m an enthusiastic treasure hunter. Every weekend off I go with my metal detector, spade and other equipment to see what I might find.

              And this morning in a field, my spade hit something. I started to uncover a half-rotten chest!

              Well, I suppose I was quite close to Fred West`s house.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Right, I've muster up all my will-power, and it's time to give the "Dry January" thing a go.

                Wish me luck!
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

                Comment


                  Originally posted by WTFH View Post
                  Right, I've muster up all my will-power, and it's time to give the "Dry January" thing a go.

                  Wish me luck!
                  Cor you're brave!

                  #prayforWTFH

                  Comment


                    Simon Cowell was reportedly rushed to hospital following another e-bike crash.

                    You could say he's in a vicious cycle...
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Why are women so obsessed with clothes when all men care about is what they look like naked … ???
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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