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Please put more jokes here

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    For Suity:

    My first job was as a door 2 door salesmen selling doors.

    It didn't go very well. Ding Dong "Hi can I interest you in, oh you've already got one."
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I was in the pub yesterday when I was approached by a 22 stone gender surgery patient who wanted to go on a date.


      I passed as my doctor has advised me to avoid trans-fats
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        BREAKING NEWS:
        Malaysian doctor says he's created the world's first unisex condom that can be attached to a penis or vagina.
        Not for me.
        I wouldn't know whether I was coming or going.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          A man walked into a pub. Barman asks " what can i get you sir ?"
          Man says " I may get a pint, you know, a lager, cider or bitter
          but then again I may get a short, you know, a whisky, vodka or rum,
          but then again I may get a cocktail, you know, a pina colada, bloody mary or a screwdriver.

          This conversation goes on a while.
          Barman says "It's getting busy sir have you come to a decision ?" Yes, says man.

          I'll bave a champagne and orange juice"
          So a bucks fizz then. I thought i was going to be stood here all night waiting while you were MAKING YOUR MIND UP
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I always pay for things using tactless.

            Do you mean contactless?

            No I pay cash and tell them they're ugly.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              ah an explanation for Warty's Girlfriend:

              A friend told me every since they caught Covid they've completely lost their sense of taste, and now they'll sleep with anybody.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Vote winner!
                The case for Scottish Independence:


                The English will never have to listen to bagpipes again
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  When you see 9 grim reapers walking down a street, there's either a Halloween party happening, or a cat is about to have a bad day.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I've put my name down to join the local Feminists Society.

                    Hopefully once they see what an informed and enlightened kind of guy I am, I'll get to pump a few of them.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      For Brillo and the Prawn

                      "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.


                      And "I do" is the longest sentence?
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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