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Please put more jokes here

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    So basically when porn stars take off their clothes.

    They're getting dressed for work...
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      At the police station I claimed that the reason I broke into that guy's house is because I thought he was a dangerous lunatic and that he possessed some dangerous illegal weapons which I wanted to rid him of.

      I wonder if I'll get a knighthood for this?
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Vin Diesel eats two meals at the start of each day:

        Breakfast
        &
        Breakfurious.
        {emotionless greeting}

        Three Word Slogan

        Comment


          "Did you know Joseph Stalin had a prosthetic made out of a vegetable?"

          "Really? The dictator?"

          "Oh, I heard it was his leg".
          {emotionless greeting}

          Three Word Slogan

          Comment


            The human variant of bird flu recently detected in the UK has been called Crowvid-19
            {emotionless greeting}

            Three Word Slogan

            Comment


              The other day, my wife accused me of dressing up as Matt Damon's secret agent character.

              She must think I was Bourne yesterday.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I'm thinking of switching my energy supplier from Red Bull to Lucozade.
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

                Comment


                  Last night my wife and I started punching each other whilst wearing boxing gloves and singing 'Eye of the Tiger'.

                  I think our marriage is going through a Rocky patch.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Got my bloody viagra mixed up with my sleeping tablets last night!



                    Managed to get 40 wanks....
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Because the idiots in marketing never thought / had the balls to run the ad when Andrew first got caught out:

                      "Woking Pizza Express - so good you'll forget everything else you did that night."
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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