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Please put more jokes here

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    Blasphemy.

    It's a victimless crime.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I was carrying my shopping home when my bag split.

      I should have waited longer after my vasectomy to do something strenuous.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          What language does Santa Claus speak? North Polish.

          Which reindeer was known for his bad manners? Rude-olph.

          What do you call an old snowman? Water.

          Asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas and she told me nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace. So I gave her nothing.

          Why was Santa's elf depressed? He had low elf esteem.

          What is a parent's favorite Christmas carol? Silent Night.

          Who is Santa's favorite singer? Elf-is Presley.

          Mrs Claus: "Look out the window, Santa. Is it snowing?"
          Santa: "Looks like reindeer."

          Why does Scrooge love reindeer? Because every buck is deer to him.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Why is Christmas dinner vegan this year? Because Turkey is on the red list, but vegetables are all green

            Which vaccine did Father Christmas get? Mince Pfizer

            Why did Rudolph’s nose have too self-isolate? It failed the lateral glow test

            Why didn’t Santa replace Comet and Cupid when they left to become HGV drivers? It was just 2 deer

            How do you know the heating bill for December is too high? Dad won’t even let you open the windows on your advent calendar. 

            Why does Christmas scrabble take so long with Boris Johnson? He’s keeps going back on his word

            Why are we only having broccoli, cabbage and peas as veg this Christmas? Because 52% of the family said no to Brussels

            Why does Emma Raducanu get to carry the crystal glasses at Christmas dinner? They know she’s unlikely to drop a set

            Which ‘Friends’ character nearly missed the 2021 Reunion Show due to the Test and Trace app? Chandler Ping
            {emotionless greeting}

            Three Word Slogan

            Comment


              BBC Sport "The Premier League is set to trial a saliva test that can be used to diagnose concussion"

              I would imagine if you've got a load of saliva dribbling down your chin then you've probably got concussion.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I don't call them Fairy lights any more.

                They're called Gary Lineker lights in our house, until they come out of the closet.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  For warty:

                  Why do birds suddenly appear?

                  Because they somehow know when you've come into money
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    For once in her life, Katie Price DOESN'T go down...
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      for warty


                      Don't let erectile dysfunction keep you down.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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