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"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I was carrying my shopping home when my bag split.
I should have waited longer after my vasectomy to do something strenuous.
"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels.
"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
What language does Santa Claus speak? North Polish.
Which reindeer was known for his bad manners? Rude-olph.
What do you call an old snowman? Water.
Asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas and she told me nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace. So I gave her nothing.
Why was Santa's elf depressed? He had low elf esteem.
What is a parent's favorite Christmas carol? Silent Night.
Who is Santa's favorite singer? Elf-is Presley.
Mrs Claus: "Look out the window, Santa. Is it snowing?"
Santa: "Looks like reindeer."
Why does Scrooge love reindeer? Because every buck is deer to him.
"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
BBC Sport "The Premier League is set to trial a saliva test that can be used to diagnose concussion"
I would imagine if you've got a load of saliva dribbling down your chin then you've probably got concussion.
"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
They're called Gary Lineker lights in our house, until they come out of the closet.
"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
Because they somehow know when you've come into money
"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
For once in her life, Katie Price DOESN'T go down...
"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
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