Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

The council refused us permission to close our road for a Jubilee street party. So lateral thinking was required.

We're paying druggies to glue themselves to the road, pretending to be Extinction Rebellion, until we finish.

[vetran]

My dyslexic mate has just joined tinder!


He hasn't found any dates yet, only chocolate eggs with little toys inside

[vetran]

I'm going to eat different types of bread all week.


Roll on Friday.

[vetran]

What does a Jedi Master have for breakfast in Italy?

Only one cannoli.

[vetran]

Apparently, in their relationship, Amber Heard was the only one who gave a tulip,

[vetran]

I've just heard the window cleaner shouting and swearing outside my house.

I think he's lost his rag.

[vetran]

I think shredded cheese should be banned in England.

Make Britain grate again.

[vetran]

The bottle of vodka said, "Drink responsibly."

So I drank it while completing my tax return.

[NotAllThere]

My friends were all eating fruits from a pyrus tree, and they all kept telling me to try some too!

But I don't give in to pear pressure

I had a similar issue in the House of Lords. Judgmental bastards.

[vetran]

The rooster teaches us it is perfectly natural to start your day with a couple of screams.

[vetran]

Are Viagra jokes classed as stand-up comedy?

[vetran]

Man dies after inserting bath tap into rectum.

It was a fitting end.

[vetran]

My friends were all eating fruits from a pyrus tree, and they all kept telling me to try some too!

But I don't give in to pear pressure

[vetran]

'...A dog and a cat are having an argument about who is the favourite of humans.

The dog says, "Humans like us more. They have even named a tooth (canine) after us.
Naming such an important body part after us shows they like us more."

The cat smiles and says, "You are really not going to win this one you know."

[vetran]

Having a candlelit dinner with the wife tonight.



The electric bill's just arrived.