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Previously on "Please put more jokes here"

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  • vetran
    replied
    The council refused us permission to close our road for a Jubilee street party. So lateral thinking was required.

    We're paying druggies to glue themselves to the road, pretending to be Extinction Rebellion, until we finish.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    My dyslexic mate has just joined tinder!


    He hasn't found any dates yet, only chocolate eggs with little toys inside

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I'm going to eat different types of bread all week.


    Roll on Friday.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    What does a Jedi Master have for breakfast in Italy?

    Only one cannoli.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Apparently, in their relationship, Amber Heard was the only one who gave a tulip,

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I've just heard the window cleaner shouting and swearing outside my house.

    I think he's lost his rag.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    I think shredded cheese should be banned in England.

    Make Britain grate again.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    The bottle of vodka said, "Drink responsibly."

    So I drank it while completing my tax return.

    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    replied
    Originally posted by vetran View Post
    My friends were all eating fruits from a pyrus tree, and they all kept telling me to try some too!

    But I don't give in to pear pressure
    I had a similar issue in the House of Lords. Judgmental bastards.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    The rooster teaches us it is perfectly natural to start your day with a couple of screams.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Are Viagra jokes classed as stand-up comedy?

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Man dies after inserting bath tap into rectum.

    It was a fitting end.

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    My friends were all eating fruits from a pyrus tree, and they all kept telling me to try some too!

    But I don't give in to pear pressure

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    '...A dog and a cat are having an argument about who is the favourite of humans.

    The dog says, "Humans like us more. They have even named a tooth (canine) after us.
    Naming such an important body part after us shows they like us more."

    The cat smiles and says, "You are really not going to win this one you know."

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    Having a candlelit dinner with the wife tonight.



    The electric bill's just arrived.

    Leave a comment:

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