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    You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You
    pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

    1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
    2. An old friend who once saved your life.
    3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.
    Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
    could only be one passenger in your car. Think before you continue
    reading.
    This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a
    job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to
    die,and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend
    because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay
    him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover
    again.

    The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble
    coming up with his answer.
    WHAT DID HE SAY?

    He simply answered: I would give the car keys to my old friend, and
    let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for
    the bus with the woman of my dreams.

    Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn
    thought limitations. Never forget to Think Outside of the Box.

    However, the correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her
    out of her misery, sh*g the perfect partner against the bus stop and drive
    off with the old friend for a drink.

    Comment


      1. Silence, the ultimate challenge: Where no woman has ever been
      2. The undiscovered bank feature: How to deposit money
      3. Parties: How to survive without new clothes
      4. Take care of your husband: Small domestic tasks can wait till after the game
      5. Bathroom etiquette 1: Men also need cupboard space
      6. Bathroom etiquette 2: His razor is his
      7. Advanced communication 1: Tears - the last resort, not the first
      8. Advanced communication 2: How to think before speaking
      9. Advanced communication 3: How to get what you want without pestering
      10. Safe driving: A skill you CAN master
      11. Telephone skills: How to hang up
      12. Parking: An introduction
      13. Advanced parking: Parallel parking
      14. Cooking 1: Bring eggs, bacon and butter back into the kitchen
      15. Cooking 2: Bran is not fit for human consumption
      16. Cooking 3: How not to impose your diets on others
      17. Compliments: How to receive them gracefully
      18. Menstruation: Your problem, not his
      19. TV remote controls: For men only
      20. Classic clothes: How to wear clothes you already own
      21. Dust: A natural occurrence that only women notice
      22. Laundry integration: How to wash everything together
      23. Oil and gas: You car needs both
      24. Shopping: You need not bring your husband

      Comment


        Police are probing a gambling ring in the southern Israeli town of Kiryat
        Malachi suspected of putting its money on a grim game of chance --
        predicting the target of the next Palestinian suicide bombing. Local
        gamblers can fill out a form that gives odds for different cities and
        regions in Israel, the Tel Aviv weekly Zman Tel Aviv reported. We are
        checking into it to see if there is a violation of the gambling laws,"
        police spokesman Gil Kleiman said. "We're not getting into the moral
        aspect."

        The reigning world champion stinging nettle chomper has retained his title
        by eating his way through a record equalling 76ft of the plants. Simon
        Sleigh, from Forkchurch, Dorset, took on a field of a dozen gastronomic
        gladiators at a country pub and confessed after his hour long fiery feast:
        "I hate the bloody things, honest. I made every effort to make sure it
        did not hurt, it comes with experience," he said, admitting that washing
        the leaves down with beer was a factor which "helped enormously".

        German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder's Social Democrats have picked an
        unorthodox way to try reaching voters: condoms in the party's bright red
        color. Red boxes containing 100 condoms with the slogan Feel Good, SPD"
        are being sold at a gift shop at the party's headquarters for 44 euros
        ($40).

        You don't need to be a mutant to enjoy three-legged pantyhose. If one U.S.
        inventor has his way, all women will soon enjoy an extra appendage on
        their underwear. It's a solution to an age-old problem: an unsightly run
        in your hosiery. Not with "Panty Hose X 3" (U.S. Patent No. 5,713,081).
        With this newfangled contraption, you just simply rotate the pantyhose and
        slip your leg into a new, unblemished leg. The damaged hosiery leg then
        tucks into a crotch pocket.

        Passengers who are too large to squeeze between the arm rests of Southwest
        Airlines Co. seats will be charged double for flying the low-cost carrier,
        the company said on Wednesday. Starting next Wednesday, its "people of
        size" policy will require passengers who need seat-belt extensions or
        cannot lower the arm rests on their seats to purchase two seats if they
        are flying on a plane near or at capacity.

        A scuba-diving couple got married in a shark-filled tank on Tuesday to
        protest the rising demand for the Chinese delicacy, shark fin soup, which
        environmentalists claim is leading to sharks' decimation. "We wanted to
        something different and help raise consciousness of the environment," said
        the bride, Julia Khoo, after she tied the knot with Lester Kwok at
        Underwater World, an aquarium on Singapore's Sentosa Island.

        South Korea is so pleased with its country's World Cup performance that
        all of the team's players are being excused compulsory military service
        duties. South Korea's defence minister Chun Yong-taek made the
        announcement: "It is necessary to help strengthen our football
        internationals. So from now on all players of the national team will be
        freed from their 26-month army service."


        A man who confessed his pedophile fantasies to advice columnist "Dear
        Abby" pleaded guilty in Milwaukee County Court on Tuesday to child
        pornography charges. Paul Weiser, 28, had written in March "Dear Abby"
        about his desires for his girlfriend's 3- and 10-year-old daughters.
        Jeanne Phillips, the column writer, alerted police though she said at the
        time she was "torn" about breaking her pledge of confidentiality to advice
        seekers.

        After four months of entertaining humans, Gaak (a name taken from the
        suitably sinister klingons of Star Trek) the predator robot yesterday did
        what all the best robots do in science fiction: he copied his masters' most
        basic instinct and made a dash for freedom. Programmed to sink a metal
        fang into smaller but more nimble prey robots to "eat" their electric
        power, Gaak showed that a two year experiment in maturing robot "thinking"
        may be proving alarmingly successful. Left unattended for 15 minutes, the
        2ft metal machine crept along a barrier until it found a gap, squeezed
        through, navigated across a car park and reached the Magna science
        centre's exit by the M1 motorway in Rotherham, South Yorkshire

        Comment


          Why are there so many pregancies in Brazil?
          Because they can lob Seamen over 30 yards.

          Comment


            A new young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to
            help the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
            He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from
            copies, not from the original manuscript. The new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

            The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for
            centuries, but you make a good point, my son".
            He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where
            the original manuscript is held in a locked vault that hasn't been
            opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. The young monk gets worried and goes downstairs to look for him.
            He sees him banging his head against the wall. His forehead is all
            bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
            The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
            With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word is
            celebrate."

            Comment


              Saw this on a fridge magnet shaped like
              a chocolate cake.......

              STRESSED is just desserts spelled backwards.

              Comment


                OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS

                If you do a good job and work hard, you may get
                a job with a better company someday.

                The light at the end of the tunnel has been
                turned off due to budget cuts.

                Sure, you may not like working here,
                but we pay your rent.

                If you think we're a bad firm, you should see
                our rivals !

                Rome did not create a great empire by having
                meetings -- they did it by killing all those
                who opposed them.

                A person who smiles in the face of adversity
                ... probably has a scapegoat.

                Comment


                  Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
                  A day without sunshine is like, night.
                  On the other hand, you have different fingers.
                  I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
                  42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
                  99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
                  I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
                  Honk if you love peace and quiet.
                  Remember, half the people you know are below average.
                  He who laughs last thinks slowest.
                  Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
                  The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
                  I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
                  Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
                  Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
                  A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
                  Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
                  Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
                  If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
                  OK, so what's the speed of dark?
                  How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
                  If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
                  something.
                  When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
                  Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
                  Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
                  If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
                  Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
                  What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
                  Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
                  Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened?

                  Comment


                    Cherie Blair arrived for an unannounced visit at a Mental Institution. As she approached the main building she was struck by the beauty of the gardens and stopped to take in the view. She spotted a man pottering among the flowers and shrubs. She called him over. "I say. Is all this your work?"

                    "Yes, madam it is."

                    "Are you the only gardener?"

                    "Gardener, madam? I'm a patient. I am unpaid"

                    "A patient? Good grief. This doesnt look like the work of......."

                    "A madman, madam? Well I'm not. I've been trying to tell them for twenty years. I wish you could put a good word in for me."

                    "Oh I, will, I will. I think it's scandalous that a sane man should be kept in one of these places. Shocking."

                    "Are you sure you'll tell them, madam?"

                    "Absolutely. Of course I will. Oh I'm so angry. Of course I'll get you out of here."

                    She turned and and headed purposefully towards the building. Suddenly a house brick hit her on the back of the head. She screamed and turned...

                    "You wont forget to tell them, madam, will you?"

                    Comment


                      There's this lorry driver taking a load of bricks from Leeds to Luton. When he gets the bricks unloaded at the Luton site, it seems that there's one brick left over. 'I'm not having it', says the foreman, 'I don't want your firm coming back saying I've cheated them'. So the lorry driver shrugs, puts the single brick back on his lorry and heads back up to Leeds. On the way, he comes to a railway bridge and thinks, 'Aye aye, I know what to do'. So he gets out of the cab and chucks the spare brick off the bridge. He gets back to Leeds about 7:30pm
                      There was this vicar sitting with his faithful old Golden Retriever in a train compartment, and a big fat farmer walked in, sat down and lit this great big smelly old pipe. The vicar put up with it for as long as he could, but eventually the fumes got so strong, he said to the farmer, 'Excuse me, do you think we might have the window open?' 'Don't you bloody well touch that window, you booger', said the farmer, and puffed some more on his pipe. So the vicar sat back, but tears soon started streaming from from his eyes, and the dog started whimpering, so he asked again: 'I'm sorry, but this is a non-smoking compartment, do you mind if I open the window a little?' 'Bollocks', said the farmer, and puffed on his smelly old pipe even more. Finally, the vicar couldn't stand it any longer, so his stood up and snatched the pipe out of the farmer's mouth, slid open the window, and lobbed the pipe out of it. The farmer went ballistic. 'You booger!' he shouted and grabbed the vicar's Golden Retriever, and shoved it bodily out of the window. The vicar and the farmer shouted at each other for a while, but then the farmer, being an animal lover under a lot of stress really, realised that the dog might very well be injured. At the next station he said to the vicar, 'Look I'm sorry, Father, I've been stressed with this Foot'n''Mouth and everything. Let's go and have a look for your dog.' So they both got out, went down to the end of the train, and looked back down the track. Yes - there it was! The vicar's faithful Golden Retriever! But as it got closer, they could see that it had something in its mouth. 'I don't bloody believe it,' said the farmer.
                      'Where did it get that brick from?'

                      Comment

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