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Please put more jokes here

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    Kim Kardashian has gone into the swimming pool business.
    Her designs are very basic, there's just one big shallow end.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Just got the wife a matching bag and belt set for her birthday. Lets hope the hoover works better now.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        One for MF

        I was being chatted up by a right ugly bird in the pub last night. 'Have you got a nickname'? she said to me. Yes, my mates call me the sledge.
        She giggled and said, 'Is that because you're a smooth ride'?

        No .. it's because i always get pulled by ******* dogs, i replied
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          One for the married couples

          My mother-in-law bought a talking parrot but she took it back a week later.
          'This parrot hasn't said anything', she complained.
          I haven't had a ******* chance yet!, replied the parrot.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I was sitting on the edge of my bed pulling off my boxers last night when my Mrs said, "You spoil those dogs."
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Met a homeless man in London who told me he lost everything he had just last week. He had a roof over his head, an HD TV, snooker table, Internet, Health Care, was studying to get his degree and had no bills or any debt!











              Then....they put him out on parole.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I went to the library today and asked for a book about cliffhangers.

                The Librarian said...
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I had "I Love You" tattooed on my dick.
                  When I showed it to my girlfriend she said
                  I hope that you're not going to try putting words into my mouth!
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    A man walks into a bookshop owned by a Polish bloke and asks him, "Do you have any books on Brexit?"
                    The Polish bloke looks at him horrified and shouts, "Get out, stay out."
                    The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one!"
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Originally posted by vetran View Post
                      I was sitting on the edge of my bed pulling off my boxers last night when my Mrs said, "You spoil those dogs."
                      I think that was one of the first jokes I put on here. Still a classic (originally by Martin Clunes, I think)
                      {emotionless greeting}

                      Three Word Slogan

                      Comment

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