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Please put more jokes here

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    SAVE money on Easter eggs by throwing a bag of currants on the lawn and telling your kids the Easter bunny was scared off by foxes.
    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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      Sasguru walked into a store and bought a chainsaw. The man behind the counter said "This chainsaw is guaranteed to cut down 5 trees in one day." So sasguru went home and it took her one whole day to cut down a tree. He went back to the store and said "This chainsaw took me one day to cut down a tree." So the man started up the chainsaw and he said... "Whats that sound?"

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        This happened to a friend yesterday:
        Witnessed totally disgusting behaviour on the beach today, a man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids, then she smacks him one on the head and it all kicked off between them, the police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke, but the man actually managed to get the baton off the policeman, and started hitting the policeman and the woman with it. Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages...
        “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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          I'm thinking of taking this wine box back to complain. It says once opened it will last for 6 weeks. It only lasted 3 days.
          “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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            The first rule of OCD club is that there must be a second rule, so we have an even number of rules.
            “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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              Last week I organised a surprise bukakke party for the wife.

              Loads of people came.

              You should have seen her face !!
              When freedom comes along, don't PISH in the water supply.....

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                What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
                Fission Chips....
                “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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                  Based on what's happening in London today, it's time to dig up that old joke again...


                  I entered a marathon once.


                  ...got peanuts stuck under my foreskin.
                  {emotionless greeting}

                  Three Word Slogan

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                    I came home steaming drunk at 3 in the morning.

                    My wife pointed at the clock and said, "What fsking time do you call this?"

                    So I explained to her again about the big hand and the little hand.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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                      I had just made myself a nice cup of tea and sat down when my wife came in, pulled her clothes off and said, "Take me right now." So I pleasured her right there on the sofa, having the best sex of my life.
                      After we'd finished, she lay in my arms and said, "Don't forget your cup of tea".
                      "I'll just let it cool down, it's still too hot," I said
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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